and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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