Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize