We named our party play list daddy issues
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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