Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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