You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize