How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
