Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
