mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
