Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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