I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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