maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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