my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
