The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
