yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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