Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
