Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
