I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
