I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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