it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
