Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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