He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
