Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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