maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
