I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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