people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
