so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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