went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
