I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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