Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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