Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Two words: blizzard sex
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
