he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
