The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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