as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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