I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
