The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
