Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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