I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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