please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
