My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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