I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
