Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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