You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
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I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
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So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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