I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
