We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
