bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
