i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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