Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
