Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
