And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
