Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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