maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
