I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
