Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
