Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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