it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
