I just made out with a guy for $7.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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