even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
