Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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