dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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