I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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