The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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