Rock
Scissors
Fuck
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
