Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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