I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
